Be Gentlemen But We Stay Boys; Be Ladies But We Stay Girls

Remember your high school years? How long has it been now? More importantly, do you still remember the feeling of being young hearts, chasing after forgotten hopes and dreams?
I just realised 2013 means that I have started high school exactly 10 years ago.

How times have moved so fast. Back in the days we would dream and talk about what we wanna be, what we wanna do, what kind of person we want to end up to be. How much of that came true now? Do you still remember the feeling to dream, to talk about nonsense and laughing so hard and being genuinely happy?

As we grow older, we learn to fit into society - to "grow up" and be men and women that fits the society norms. How much good values from our teenage years did we held on to, and how much did we gave up to "grow up"? How many dreams and values were forgotten because we thought it wouldn't be "mature" to be that way anymore. As we grow to be more and more suited by the needs of our society, our friends, our family, how much of our true self have we given up since our teenage high school years?

When we were young in the happy days, we were so eager to grow up, to take on adult roles and responsibilities. Little by little, the world lost its magic and fantasies, life became tasks to fulfill for others everyday, and we get caught up in the endless cycle of daily monotonous lifestyles. The innocence and dreaming nature of the person we once were gets chipped off little by little.

But who says we can't have fun even as we grow older? Life can still be enjoyed through the passion and feelings of our young self - daring to dream, to do the impossible, to enjoy simple and silly things, while at the same time we fulfill our inevitable duty of being part of the family, and part of the society.

"Rosie and Tanya: What happened to you?
Donna: I grew up.

Rosie and Tanya: Well grow back down!

[Dancing Queen starts]"

- Mamma Mia! (2008 film)

And that is why we must be gentlemen but stay boys, and be ladies but stay girls!

Take a listen to this meaningful song by Girls' Generation:

Lyrics:

[Taeyeon] Oh woah

Anata to no deai de,

After meeting you

Dono kurai watashi wa kawareta no darou?

I wonder how much I have changed?

[Jessica] Jibun de wa mienai no

I can’t see it myself, but

Akogareta sugata ni chikazuiteru no?

Have I become closer to the person that I admire?

[Tiffany] Wanna be, wanna be, suteki na

Wanna be, wanna be, I want

[Yoona] Gonna be, gonna be, otona ni

Gonna be, gonna be, to become

[Seohyun] Nareru you ni itai, demo

A wonderful adult, however

[Tiffany] Be ladies, but we

[All] Stay girls

Kokoro wa hold on

Hold on to our hearts

[Sunny] Yume miru kimochi wo

Because we haven’t lost

[Sooyoung] Ushinawanai de iru kara

The feelings to dream,

[All] Stay girls [Taeyeon] itsu mademo

Stay girls forever

Arukidashita hi no you ni

Like the days we walked forth

[All] We wanna stay girls

We wanna stay girls

[Yoona] Warattari, naiteitari

Laughing and crying

[Yuri] Omoidashitara afuredasu kono memories

When I remember, these memories pour out

[Seohyun] Donna hi mo, donna toki mo

No matter the day, no matter the time

[Tiffany] Anata no koe ni sasaerareta

Your voice supported me

[Hyoyeon] Every day, every day, hitori ja

Everyday, everyday, because I

[Hyoyeon/Sunny] All the way, all the way nai kara

All the way, all the way, wasn’t alone

[Sooyoung] Tadori tsuketa, [Seohyun] kono basho ni

I was finally able to reach this place

[Taeyeon] Be ladies, but we

[All] Stay girls

Mujaki na pure hearts

Innocent, pure hearts

[Tiffany] Donna mirai ni itatte

no matter what the future holds

[Yoona] Kawaranai mama de iyou ne

Don’t change who you are

[All] Stay girls

[Jessica] Hitamuki na brave hearts

Earnest, brave hearts

Hanasanai kara, zutto

Because we will never let go

[All] We’re gonna stay girls

We’re gonna stay girls

[Sunny] Wanna be, wanna be movin’ on

[Hyoyeon] Gonna be, gonna be only one

[Yuri] Gotta go, gotta go, [Tiffany] wow wow

[Yuri] Be ladies, but we

Stay girls

Chikatta one thing

I promised one thing

[Sunny/Tiffany] Yume wo kanaeru made,

Until my dream comes true,

[Jessica] Akirametari wa shinai yo

I will never give up

[Seohyun] Stay girls dakara anata mo,

Stay girls so, you too,

Sono hitomi no mama de…

Stay like that with those eyes...

[Sooyoung] Be ladies, but we

[All] Stay girls

Kokoro wa hold on

Hold on to our hearts

[Jessica] Yume miru kimochi wo,

Because we haven’t lost

[Sunny] Ushinawanaideiru kara,

The feelings to dream,

[All] Stay girls [Tiffany] itsu made mo,

Stay girls forever,

Arukidashita hi no you ni,

Like the days we walked forth,

[All] We wanna stay girls

We’re gonna stay girls

11 Irrational Beliefs

So I was busy going through my Counseling notes when I found Albert Ellis's theory on Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) and found 11 irrational beliefs in which he believed irrational thinking causes emotional and behavioral changes.

Basically what he meant was that, what we think, not what happened, will cause how we feel, and most of the time we think irrationally which causes our misery and problems.

Here are the 11 Irrational Beliefs that causes us misery:

1. An adult human must be loved or approved by almost everyone.

2. In order to feel worthwhile, a person must be competent in all possible respects.

3. Some people are bad or wicked and therefore should be blamed and punished

4.When things are not the way you want them to be, it is a catastrophe.

5. People have little or no control over the external causes of the bad things that happen to them.

6. The best way to handle a dangerous or fear-producing event is to worry about it and dwell on it.

7. It is easier to avoid certain life difficulties and responsibilities than it is to face them.

8. One needs to depend on others and to rely on someone stronger than oneself.

9. One's present behavior is determined primarily by one's past history.

10. One should be upset by the problems of others.

11. There is always a perfect solution to a human problem, and it is essential to find it.

Basically, Ellis states that by removing these irrational thinking and input more rational thinking we would be happier. This is not too far from the truth. Our thoughts do cause our feelings, and what we think is how we perceive the world. People who don't give a damn are happy in a sense that they don' t think whats happening to them is awful, its not awful to them when things don't work their way. Some people think that its the end of the world when things are not right for them.

Here is an example of how irrational and rational thinking changes our behavior, emotion and actions:

However, this theory doesn't explain and solve all human problems. It's just one step closer for us to understand the power of belief and that we are essentially what we think about. And like Ellis stated above, rationally thinking, there is not always a perfect solution to a human problem, and it is not essential to find it.

So have you got rid of your irrational thinking?

How Do You Say Goodbye

I was suppose to be studying, but found some old links that was stuck in my bookmarks and saw an old video. JUJU's Hello, Again ~昔からある場所~ (Ballad Ver.)!

It's been a long time since I watched it, can't believe I still cry when I saw it (I may be a bit soft in this area, teehee).

In the MV, the old man visits an old place which he and his girl used to go, hence the "昔からある場所" (mukashi kara aru basho - a place from long ago). Anyway he snaps photos of the place and his memories of his days with his wife soon took over and we see how he moved from one stage of his life to another with his wife until her eventful death.

Strangely enough I am currently studying for my Developmental Psychology - Adult and Aging exam, but it doesn't take a psychology degree to know how he felt.

So how do you say goodbye to someone who has accompanied you since teenage life until old age; someone who has become a part of you indefinitely. How do you say goodbye to someone you love so dear? How do you let go of many years of love and company?

I can say that most young and early adults wouldn't have thought about it, since we still have such a long live to live, but when things like this strikes, how do you let go of someone like that? Are we prepared to do it?

Have you ever thought of what would it be like to lose the person you love the most? Hmm, to far away to think? Too unrealistic? As far as I know, life is very fragile and we can go at any moment.

All we can do is cherish the people important to us and make each moment last.

In the end I guess it's all just part of life. The grand game of the Gods and Goddesses.

Here is the song and lyrics: The song in YouTube was taken away by Sony (copyright issue), so click on the link below.

PV JUJU Hello, Again ~昔からある場所~ (Ballad Ver.)

Itsumo kimi to machitsuzuketa kisetsu wa
The season we always waited for
Nanimo iwazu toorisugita
Passed without saying anything
Ame wa kono machi ni furisosogu
The rain downpours on the city
Sukoshi no RIGURETTO to tsumi wo tsutsumikonde
Wrapping my mere regret and sins

Nakanai koto wo chikatta mama toki wa sugi
Vowing not to cry the time passed
Itamu kokoro ni ki ga tzukazu ni boku wa hitori ni natta
Without noticing I became alone with my injured heart

"Kioku no naka de zutto futari wa ikite ikeru"
"We always lived together within my memories"
Kimi no koe ga ima mo mune ni hibikuyo sore wa ai ga samayou kage
Your voice still resounds in my chest, this is the wandering shadow of love
Kimi wa sukoshi naita? Ano toki mienakatta
Did you cry? I didn't see you at that time

Jibun no genkai ga dokomade ka wo shiru tame ni
I'm not living
Boku wa ikiteru wake jyanai
In order to know my own limits

Dakedo atarashii tobira wo ake umi ni dereba
But a new door opens when I went to the sea
Nami no kanata ni chanto "hate" wo kanjirareru
Being able to feel beyond the waves

Boku wa kono te nobashite sora ni susumi kaze wo ukete
I extend my hand advancing to the sky, the wind's blowing
Ikite ikou dokoka de mata meguruyo tooi mukashi kara aru basho
Let's live, revolving everywhere again in the place that existed long time ago
Yoru no aide de sae kisetsu wa kawatte iku
Even during the night the season will continue to change

Ame wa yagate agatteita
The rain rose at last


"Kioku no naka de zutto futari wa ikite ikeru"
"We always lived together within my memories"
Kimi no koe ga ima mo mune ni hibikuyo sore wa ai ga samayou kage
Your voice still resounds in my chest, this is the wandering shadow of love
Kimi wa sukoshi naita? Ano toki mienakatta
Did you cry? I didn't see you at that time

Time Machine

This post started with a song that a friend posted. It was Girls' Generation's (SNSD) Time Machine. While some people didn't like the song 'cause of the lack of the usual upbeat and catchy tune of the other SNSD songs, I find the lyrics quite meaningful, something everyone can relate to.

In someone's heart, there are things that we deeply regret, and at time we spend wondering if there is any time machine to bring us back to that time so that we can make the right choice this time.

Here's the song:

Lyrics:

[Jessica] Itsumo yori sukoshi hiroi heya tadahitori
Alone in the room that is more spacious than usual
It's over, guess it's over 
[Taeyeon] Futari de tsukuri ageta sutōrī mo munashiku
The story created by the two of us was also in vain
Kon'nani kantan ni kuzure teshimau nante
I couldn't believe it could crumble so easily

[Sunny] One mistake, got a one regret 
[Seohyun] "Dare mo kanpeki janai" tte
Nobody is perfect
[Sunny] Sō iikikasete mite mo
Even if I try to say and hear it
[Seohyun] Nani o shite mo kizu wa iyasenakute
The pain won't heal no matter what

*[All] Ima time machine ni norikonde
Right now, if I could ride a time machine
[Taeyeon] Anata ni ai ni iku
And meet you
[Seohyun] Koto ga dekitanara
If it could be done
[All] Mō nani mo negawanai
I wouldn't wish for anything else
[Sunny] Hakanakute tōI kioku ni naru mae ni...
Before the memories become distant and fleeting...


[Jessica] I need a time machine oh 
[Tiffany] I need a time machine oh

[Jessica] Hitori de sugosu jikan wa oso sugite
Time slows down when I'm alone
[Taeyeon] Ayamachi no batsu wa amarini mo omoku
The punishment for my mistake is severe 
[Jessica] Anata ga saigo ni nokoshita words
The last words that you left behind 
[Taeyeon] Ima demo zutto rifurein tomaranai
Even now I can't stop replaying the refrain 
Mada munegaitamu
My heart still hurts

[Sunny] Just one mistake, just one regret 
[Seohyun] Wagamama mo ima wa itoshikute
Even now, I still love you selfishly 

Repeat *

[Jessica] I need a time machine

[Tiffany] Jikū tobikoete anata ni aetara
 If I'm able to meet you through time and space
[Yoona/Sooyoung] Tatoe onaji
[Seohyun/Hyoyeon] Ketsumatsu mukaeta to shite mo kitto
Even if it's heading to the same conclusion, I'm sure
[Tiffany/Yuri] Kui wa nokoranai hazudakara
There won't be any regrets 

Repeat *

[Taeyeon] Yeah futari no omoide wasureteshimau mae ni...

Yeah before the memories of us are forgotten...

[Tiffany] Gimme a time machine 
[Jessica] Oh Gimme a time machine 
[Sunny] Oh Gimme a time machine

Sadly in life there are no time machines. We can only move forward in your lives. But knowing life only moves in one direction is what helps us grow. Our memories will always only be ours, playing back over and over in our minds. Even as time goes on and the day of those events become distant, we can always hold on to our precious memories and re-ive that moment when ever we dive into our hearts. Perhaps that is the only real "time machine"?

The Case of 贱男人 & 笨女人

Have you ever had those friends that loves somebody so much that they foolishly cling on to them even after they are hurt so bad so many times by that same person already. I think we all met these friends at least once in our lives.

Back in my high school days when I was counselor I have heard many of these cases - basically a girl that loves a bad boy so much even after he hurt her and mistreat her she would still give her undivided love. I haven't heard another case for so long until today. I thought that these cases would subside as we grew older because people become mature enough to protect themselves and love themselves first. I guess I was wrong.

Today a course mate told me a story about her friend, quite pretty and has a good personality, but is stuck with a guy that goes way beyond taking advantage of her. According to my friend, they broke up many times, about 30 times approximately, all because of some trivial matter, such as the bf said that the girl has changed and he cannot accept it... Many times the guy would break up with her, leave her heart broken, and go on with another girl. After he broke up with his new GF, he would come back to her and she would accept him again.

On one occasion, when they were together, the boy even had sex with another girl in his room. The best part is that she can accept it and says that as long as he is honest she can forgive him. By this point of the conversation, me and another friend is giving the WTF face already. Seriously WTF!

The girl apparently is very soft hearted and would listen to whatever the boy says. The boy would tell her not to call him to 烦 him during certain times 'cause he is busy. Basically he will layan her when he want to and ditch her aside when he doesn't feel like it. She would be heartbroken every time they breakup.

My course mate grew up with this friend and she had tried many times to advise her to leave the guy for someone better, but she wouldn't budge. She looks nice and has a lot of people courting her but she is just so hopelessly in love with this boy. No matter what people tells her, she will never move away.

These kind of boy (I wouldn't call him a man since he has no balls) are exactly the type of people that make our fellow womankind hate us. They are the kind that gets good guys' blood boiling. How can you be with a man who cheats  frequently on you and treats you like dirt! Arghh!!!

But I have seen these cases far too many times already. And the ones who gets hurt are also the friends of these girls. As a friend, we feel hurt for them when they get hurt and dumped one too many times. We know we cannot do anything to waive her belief of love to the boy, she must one day realize how foolish she was by herself. We as friends can only painstakingly stand and watch over her when she cry. And as we look into the cruel reality of such things, we can only wonder why girls seem to fall head-over-heels for someone that hurt them, and ignore those that truly love them and give them happiness.

“如果女人总是等到夜深，无悔付出青春，他就会对你真。

是否女人永远不要多问，她最好永远天真，为她所爱的人。

只是女人，容易一往情深，总是为爱所困，终于越陷越深。

可是女人，爱是他的灵魂，她可以奉献一生为她所爱的人。”

－问

Maybe such is life. Humans have the tendency to like to get hurt and to feel the numbness of their hearts as they weep. I have searched many years for the answer as to why girl would give such a guy their all, and as other better qualified men would die for her love. Many of my friends was, and some of them still is, in such situation. Perhaps this is fate's cruel joke; a trial to strengthen the heart. Or perhaps love is just too beautiful and worthy of getting hurt.

“不是学不会，只是觉得爱太美。值得去沉醉，流泪。”

－学不会，林俊杰

I think this song is suitable now:

I Try to Remember

1. Everybody Doesn't Have to Love Me

Not everybody has to love me or even like me. I don't necessarily like everybody I know, so why should everybody else like me? I enjoy being liked and being loved, but if somebody doesn't like me, I will still be okay and still feel like I am an okay person. I cannot make somebody like me, any more than someone can get me to like them. I don't need approval all the time. If someone does not approve of me, I will still be okay.

2. It Is Okay to Make Mistakes

Making mistakes is something we all do, and I am still a fine and worthwhile person when I make them. There is no reason for me to get upset when I make a mistake. I am trying, and if I make a mistake, I am going to continue trying, I can handle making a mistake. It is okay for others to make mistakes, too. I will accept mistakes in myself and also mistakes that others make.

3. Other People Are Okay and I Am Okay

People who do things I don't like are not necessarily bad people. They should not necessarily be punished just because I don't like what they do or did. There is no reason why other people should be the way I want them to be, and there is no reason why I should be the way somebody else wants me to be. People will be whatever they want to be, and I will be whatever I want to be. I cannot control other people or change them. They are who they are; we all deserve basic respect.

4. I Don't Have to Control Things

I will survive if things are different than what I want them to be. I can accept things the way they are, accept people the way they are, and accept myself the way I am. There is no reason to get upset if I can't change things to fit my idea of how they ought to be. There is no reason why I should have to like everything. Even if I don't like it, I can live with it.

5. I Am Responsible for My Day

I am responsible for how I feel and what I do. Nobody can make me feel anything. If I have a rotten day, I am the one who allowed it to be that way. If I have a great day, I am the one who deserves credit for being positive. It is not the responsibility of other people to change so that I can feel better. I am the one who is in charge of my life.

6. I Can Handle It When Things Go Wrong

I don't need to watch out for things to go wrong. Things usually go just fine, and when they don't, I can handle it. I don't have to waste my energy worrying. The sky won't fall in; things will be okay.

7. It Is Important To Try

I can. Even though I may be faced with difficult tasks, it is better to try than to avoid them. Avoiding a task does not give me any opportunities for success or joy, but trying does. Things worth having are worth the effort. I might not be able to do everything, but I can do something.

8. I Am Capable

I don't need someone else to take care of my problems. I am capable. I can take care of myself. I can make decisions for myself. I can think for myself. I don't have to depend on somebody else to take care of me.

9. I Can Change

I don't have to be a certain way because of what has happened in the past. Every day is a new day. It's silly to think I can't help being the way I am. Of course I can. I can change.

10. Other People Are Capable

I can't solve other people's problems for them. I don't have to take on other people's problems as if they were my own. I don't need to change other people or fix up their lives. They are capable and can take care of themselves, and can solve their own problems. I can care and be of some help, but I can't do everything for them.

11. I Can Be Flexible

There is more than one way to do something. More than one person has had good ideas that will work. There is no one and only "best" way. Everybody has ideas that are worthwhile. Some may make more sense to me than others, but everyone's ideas are worthwhile, and everyone has something worthwhile to contribute.

-Author Unknown

Please Hear What I Am Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the mask I wear.

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

masks that I'm afraid to take off,

and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature to me,

but don't be fooled.

For God's sake don't be be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,

that the water's calm and I'm in command,

and that I need no one.

But don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface

is my mask, ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness and my fear being exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation.

My only hope, and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

if it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

from my own self-built prison walls,

from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me

of what I can't assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

I don't like to hide.

I don't like to play superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,

but you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand

even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

the bland stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,

very feeble wings,

but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life to me.

I want you to know that.

Who am I, you may wonder.

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet,

and I am every woman you meet.

-Jill Zevallos-Solak