Leaving My Uni Life Behind

I finally mustered the heart to write this after unofficially ending my studies since June.

There are so many things I want to tell, as there are so many feelings I kept bubbling inside.

I will try to express as much as I can.

And gosh have I abandoned my blog for so long!

"20 years ago you don't want to be here. Now you don't want to leave."

-Dr. Archer to John Constantine

The quote above is how I felt when I started in UPM.

I dreaded having to leave my home and wished to go back as soon as I can every week.

But as I approached my final days in UPM, I wanted to stay as long as I can, after enjoying what might have been the best 4 years of my life so far.

Now that I have started working, I really miss my uni life.

Something about the life in uni that you know will never be the same again once we start entering the working world.

Things that I miss about uni:

1. Bringing all my stuff back to college every Sunday night. Carrying all my heavy stuff and walking up the stairs to my room and the feeling of settling down, and walking over to check if Jake is in.
2. Attending classes with PMP. Classes are just so fun when there are great companions to be bored with. Memories of the lecture, the room, the seats, the chatter, the ambience are all precious memories.
3. Looking out my window as I clatter with my lappie through the night. Most times just to see people walk and chat, once I even saw fire coming from the opposite block that summoned the fire department and medic.
4. Looking out the window during workout sessions, usually seeing LaiYee, PohYee and ShuXian walking back, and I would call out to LaiYee.
5. Workout sessions with Jake, and with Ray, the one who started it all. There is nothing like having a partner to workout with. The motivation and the mutual encouragement got us through what we felt was hell. Nowadays I lack the same motivation to push myself during workouts.
6. Bathing and washing clothes myself.
7. Dinner with college mates at 8pm (sometimes 7.30pm).
8. Party sessions with college mates every once in awhile, with cheap alcohol, snacks and a whole lot of games and drunkenness. (free flow anyone?)
9. Going to Jake's lappie to play games (his laptop was the most advanced gaming console at the time.)
10. Going to college events and doing cheers. Haven't done cheering in such a long time, but the memories are just nice for some reason.
11. Dinner and hanging out in Serumpun Cafe. There was a time where food in Serumpun Cafe was good, and we hesitated to go back after our meals. I miss the corn, and the roti canai, and the chats.
12. Registering for courses in FEM McD tables and yelling "DAFTAR ARAB! DAFTAR ARAB!". It is one of those PMP moments I will remember for life.
13. Meals with PMP in old flat (no longer there) and new flat.
14. Taking pictures of the funny moments of PMP.
15. Doing assignments and presentations with PMP & EKIN (though I always become the leader.)
16. Mountain hiking and skytrex with PMP.
17. Taking videos of PMP during trips with them. Luckily I did take the videos even though they disagree, as it turned out to be the most memory cherishing item we will ever have.
18. Going to bed in my college that felt oh-so-comfortable with the powerful ceiling fan that made the sleep so cozy. Also, looking at the shadows when I couldn't fall asleep and listening to the hum of the ceiling while I ponder on study issues that might come tomorrow.
19. The Amazing Race to Melaka Portugese Settlement with LaiYee and TakJie.
20. Being called "King"or "Boss".
21. Organizing PMP events.
22. Discussing Kpop and SNSD,
23. Playing Ironman with Jake's watch.
24. Playing Defender II with Jake and Chris.
25. Staying up with course mates to study on tips for exams.
26. Saying "See you again next sem." in the PMP Facebook page.
27. Recording our events and trips.

Things that I wished would have been different:

1. More time to express our thought and feelings to each other before leaving Sabah on our last course trip. We didn't get a chance to have pillow talk since our 1st trip to Port Dickson.
2. KMR didn't fell-out in our 2nd semester. Because of the problems faced in KMR, plus some amount of poor leadership, most KMR-ians pulled out and lived else where after semester 2. There in causing a large chain effect that cause most PMP to move out of KMR a few semesters later. It would have been nice if everyone would have stayed in KMR.
3. Organizing more activities like we suggested. Many activities were put on hold due to many reasons (eg, clubbing, Chilling waterfall, skytrex extreme).

But nevertheless, I wouldn't have changed anything about the four years I had in UPM.

I began a journey on the last leg of my studying life, who would have known I would make such good friends and had so much fun. People say the time in uni would be the best time of your life; I am inclined to believe so.

Perhaps we all know that this will be the last leg of our study lives before we move forward to the working working that we cherish our uni life more than other studying phases.

This is Jake. My gym buddy. I think we were close because of the similarities in our personalities. One of the most creative guy I've met, but applied to the wrong things most of the time. Imma miss our workout together. Thanks for letting us game on your lappie. Haha!

Chris and Susan. One weird couple who never showed much affection in front of us. I wonder if they do have any intimacy when alone. Occasionally they would post sweet messages for each other on Instagram, which I think is very weird to hear Chris write those kinda things. But I am still rooting for you guys, the only PMP couple of our batch. You guys are the luckiest 'cause you get to keep a piece of PMP with you after graduating. Wish to see you guys again after many years.

LaiYee! I feel like I am closest to her among all PMP. We used to joke that we are relatives as we share the same name and is of Hakka descent from Johor. Perhaps that's why we are close to each other. It's a shame we couldn't always take the same classes during semesters and as Susan mixed with Chris more you became closer to ShuXian and ChuiTeng, further dividing the gap between EKIN and ChekWongShuTeng.

This is ShuXian. I remember when I first met her she had a lot of white hair. But it disappeared as the time went by. She reminds me of the old generation folks who speaks older Chinese. We should have drawn more often together and chased our drawing dreams. Hope you can live your life the way you want, now that you are working now.

Dear ChuiTeng. Hope you don't blur liao and don't get bullied when you working ya. You have the right to choose what you want. Even though we have graduated, you can still find me for counseling. All the best in chasing your personal goals, I know you have many goals to achieve about improving yourself. You have made a huge leap by opening your mind and doing things you fear. One last advice for you, be firm and decisive, once you've made the decision, say "Yes." and that's it. Stand firm on what you want and what you decide.

Mr. Chek, my 1st year roommate. Wei friend, where are you lately? Sorry I couldn't keep my promise of playing chess with you since 1st semester. But I know I won't win you anyway. Haha! I will miss your cold jokes and weird antics. Make your girl happy, she's a good one.

Caroline~. The most non-ladylike girl I have seen so far but also the most outgoing girl I know. In her own words "if a guy loves me he will love my everything". This line has stuck with me since the 1st semester. It was fun when you wanna invite her to any activities as she will mostly join without hesitation. Without her, my videos would be boring as hell as the other PMP members are so camera shy.

This is PohYee! She has talent in martial arts I can tell you that, and a great interest in it too. A very moderate and down-to-earth kinda girl. Too bad I didn't have time to chat much with her. Haha! Sorry~

This is Ms. AnnGie. With the name of my mother and the face of my sister, but she isn't like either of them. The most lastly impression is that she uses big plastic clips to clip her hair (the type you use to seal a plastic bag or your bread). Unfortunately she never join many of our PMP activities. I wonder what would it be like if she came along. But then again she wasn't that close to all of us.

ChaiYoke. The girl with the radical thought. Someone to balance out the group think effects among PMP. Hmm, perhaps I should have been closer to you and get to know you more.

Nowadays it's just not that fun anymore. The days in the working office is mundane and repetitive. When coworkers talk to you you have to decipher the political implications and threat to your work position.

It's only 3 months since I ended my uni life, and I miss it so much.

"Memories are nice, but that's just what they are."

-Rikku, Final Fantasy X

I will keep the memories, all the good and the bad, the days of laughter and hardships, dearly in my heart, together with all my nakamas.

“一起欢笑一起流泪的日子，将这几年点缀成美丽的画面”

-Adrian 陈凯旋, <熬夜>

From now on marks a new chapter in our lives, but I will forever cherish the time we had together. Words can't describe how much I treasure those memories. Bye uni life, bye PMP, we had such a good time together.

"We knew this day would come, we knew it all along. How did it come so fast?"

-Daylight, Maroon 5

I put a lot of efforts in doing our videos, from editing and selecting songs, if you listen well, especially on Day 4 of our Sabah trip, I picked songs that mainly reflect our feelings. I truly hoped that you all liked it.

Here is one for the memories and the tears (gosh I miss you guys so much):

And this one is my particular favourite! A montage of all PMP trips, I tried to match to the beat of the music: (click to watch!)

More videos on my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/user/RegenWLC

Even if I could continue to study in UPM again, it just wouldn't be the same without you guys anymore. Its sad things never last, but it is exactly that that makes us cherish our experiences even more!

Latte减肥日记！

This post is purely for my dear ThreeKies, since I couldn't find a platform to host a GIF image (GIF doesn't work in Facebook). So I uploaded it here!

Don't need loose weight la Latte, you look fine. Haha!

Doing Things Alone

I guess some people like it some people don't.

Some people see it as a sad case. Well, it really isn't, and there is nothing wrong with doing things alone. Like having coffee or lunch or dinner alone. It doesn't mean I don't have friends or companions to accompany me, it just means I like to have my own company and spend time with myself.

There is nothing sad about spending time with yourself. You get to know yourself better this way. Because the person who understands you most is yourself.

I guess this is the last semester I have to take a course by myself, while my other coursemates were always there for each other. I had to re-route my course outline because of higher BBI classes who are so damn hard to register! Making me drag on Statistics and Accounting. Finally I finished my 2 BBI courses this semester, Thank God! I will be back on track with my coursemates starting next semester.

Although it was kinda freaky to take such a hard course by yourself without people you know to back you up especially when exams are near, I find it very worthwhile as I have made new friends along this 3 semesters. These friends and seniors have been very good company.

A lecturer once told us that if our Malaysian students were to go overseas to study we would die with the group mentality that we have in our uni now. Well, he's got a point. In lectures different ethnic groups will seat with each other and just mingle with each other, the great 3 groups are of course the Malay, Chinese and Indian groups.

For students who are studying abroad, I guess they had to do things alone because there are no close friends around unless you make one, or some, along your journey.

I guess the good thing about it is you can always make new friends that you will end up depending on, too. And we can grow much more as a person when alone sometimes than having to stick with people all the time...

Lost Before Christmas

24th December! Christmas eve... We should be setting up a jolly happy mood for Christmas...
Instead I was woken up by a call from my father, I hoped it wasn't a bad news, but it was. He called to inform me my grandmother passed away last night. Deep in my heart I know this day was around the corner.

My grandma, or Ah Po as we all call her, was no longer with us to celebrate Christmas.
I haven't seen her for so long now. I only have faint memories of her since we don't meet very much as she lives 3 hour away. I'd only see her during the holidays when I have a chance to go back to my hometown, in seasons such as Chinese New Year, Christmas, and so on.

I wasn't very close to my Ah Po, but I do love her dearly. When we were kids we used to go back every year to stay for 3 weeks during the school end holidays of my primary and secondary school years.
She would wake up at 6am in the morning for her morning walk, make breakfast (usually bread and biscuits) and her signature black coffee while all the adults went to work. At night she would go to her qigong class at the basketball court.

Over the years her qigong classes were cancelled and her health was getting worse. I used to hang mosquito nets for her bed every night. She would sit by her old chair and ask me and my sis to convince my mum to get back together with my dad again. It happens every time...

I really disconnected with them these few years since form 6 was busy til university life I had less and less chance to go back. Ah Po on the other hand is beginning to lose her memory. There came a time she can't recognize me any longer.

The family back in my hometown decided to sell the old house and move to the house above the grocery store they run to tend to Ah Po's needs more conveniently. I remember my cousin told me my grandfather built the house when they were young. I used to stare at their wedding picture in her room and looked at their young faces. My grandfather died of leukimia when I was 3. Don't remember him much. But I remember kind and gentle Ah Po who never once raised her voice. There are just so much memories but they were all in my younger days... I guess I never had a real conversation with her since I grew up.

Ah Po, I will miss you. You are my longest living grandparent and I love you always.
Hope you are going to celebrate Christmas in His arms this year. Please look over us from above as how you always had when you were here.

People we love are going to leave us one by one eventually. Nothing will stay the same forever. Cherish them always.

Christmas is meant to be spent with the people you love, regardless of where you are and what you are doing. The heart that connects us is what matters most.

Merry Christmas people!

What Does It Mean?

Dive to the Heart. What is it?

I took this concept from a game I love, Kingdom Hearts. A little childish I know, but it is a very good concept of the realm of our hearts that we can all relate to.

As a sane human being we have what we call a Heart. No, not the one that helps pump blood, nor is it our liver ("Hati" in Malay means Heart but also means Liver), but more to the world within our conscious self - our emotions and its domains.

We all have a place that belongs to ourselves and ourselves only, and that is within our "Hearts". It is the place we process our thought, the place we imagine things, the place where we miss and love people, the place where we put people that are important to us. The world that only you alone know's its existence, our own secret place, our happy place, our paradise, made out of things that we love.

In the game Kingdom Hearts, the Dive to the Heart is where the main character falls into the ocean of his dream world, when he reaches the bottom of the heart ocean, doves fly away from the ground and the ground is revealed to have a platform of the character with the people he love in it.

This is Sora's platform in his Dive to the Heart, with the people he love in it.

This is a nice concept although we don't really "dive" into the world in our hearts.
I often "dive" into my own heart when I have time alone. It is the time I reflect on my life. To spend time with myself, usually with music. It feels nice to escape from the real world from time to time and "dive" into our heart world to indulge in our own pleasure.

I believe unconsciously we always "dive" into our hearts when emotions struck us. Like when we are sad, heart broken, or when we are happy. Or when we are pouring our soul to write our emotions down, like when writing a blog.
Unconsciously we know who are the people we love the most and their place within our "Hearts".

I chose the title "Dive to the Heart" because this blog is a place to express the world in my heart. My Dive to my Heart.

Do you "dive" to your heart often?

Memories Locked or Forgotten?

Memories are such weird things... Sometimes I wonder do we really forget something? Or is it just stashed in the storeroom of our memory warehouse like how we throw our useless household items into the storeroom and forget it ever existed until we open the storeroom again?

"I'd seen in before. Twelve years ago in college. Sitting on the couch of the TA I was trying to make, waiting for her to come back out of the bathroom, hoping she'd have a condom. Somehow, my unconscious had served that up. A memory I'd never even recorded. Or was it there the whole time and all I needed was the access."

-Eddie Morra, Limitless

I guess most of us had been through so many chapters in our lives. Some really good ones that we would never want to forget, and inevitably some bad ones we never want to remember.

Many times in my counseling path I saw so many heartbroken and tangled - tangled to the one they loved so dearly that it was so hard to let go. And some still haven't let go.

As life gets busier we zip through time so fast we never looked back at the path we walked. College semesters passing faster than the last, working days past like minutes. We kept ourselves so busy that we had forgotten about the past. Or have we really?

“我假装过去不重要，却发现自己办不到。”

-周杰伦，说了再见

As life slowed down now that all my assignments and presentations are finally over, I had more time to myself to do more of what I liked, and to reflect upon myself. Looking back at my old things I found some things that linked to some memories that I thought I had forgotten. Then the memories started pouring in like the seal has been lifted.

Looking back in my life I have been through quite a few notable chapters, namely Meow, Fish, Jojo, Pink, ReEiGkEoN, LCLY (current).

I remember how I used to painstakingly forced myself to forget someone for three years with no avail.

I found out I had forgotten when I stopped asking myself to forget. I used to remember every detail of every event, now I just remember how it felt.

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel."

-Maya Angelou

With every hurt we learn, and I learnt so much. I vowed to make choices that I would never regret. Some things I thought I would never look back. Some things I thought I had forgotten, but it seems like it was just locked and sealed for now. ReEiGkEoN, I haven't seen this term for so long, surprised I still remember it. Kinda makes you wonder what would have happened if things went differently. But I have no regret to the choices I made. Its my life.

Well, memories are nice but that's just what they are. Time to pack it up and keep it in the junk again, hope that next time I come see it it will become a smaller box. Its time for another tomorrow in my self assigned schedule! What I had hoped is that I have become a better man than I was then. Go LCLY~

Thank you for the memories, I will keep what is mine.